Great White Games/Pinnacle Entertainment Group

[Kakaze]

I've been working on a fantasy setting for a while now, and since my group is a little tired of fantasy in general, I thought I'd share it with the world to get some feedback.

The world of Borius is based off of what happened to England after the Roman empire fell. This has been mixed with hearty doses of magic, monsters, and plagues.

Why just read my discription when you could get the entire document here?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the world.
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Proud creator of Savage Swarm, a game about Giant Ants.

[Kakaze]

Added a handy download to remove that annoying wall of text. Should be easier to get a handle on now.
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Proud creator of Savage Swarm, a game about Giant Ants.

[Kakaze]

A new version is up, now with a map and better organization. It is available from the hotlink in the first post.

I also created a new way of building characters to better ground them in the world called Paths. It's vaguely based off of the Pathfinder character creation system, but stripped of the majority of it's descriptive texts to better allow individualization.

I haven't had a lot of response, but any feedback would be much appreciated.
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Proud creator of Savage Swarm, a game about Giant Ants.

[Lord Karick]

I'm surprised no-one else has commented on this. At a first glance it looks really good. I particularly like the Traveller-esque character creation paths. Nice work!
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Visit Tales from Karickbridge on Obsidian Portal, oh and Savage Legend - The Blog

[Merlin_Sylver]

I agree that at first glance it looks good, though there's a couple of edits you may want to make.

Throughout the document, Gold is mentioned, and $'s is mentioned, both referring to money. In the section about the Kourai, you mention that their admant hears are worth 'incredbly large amounts of coin', then later you mention 'at least 10 gold'. However, I can't find a reference in your document as to what the basic '$' coin is. You present your gear list with prices listed in $'s, but again, no reference as to exactly what '$' means.... If a gold coin is the $ of the realm, then I'd hardly call 10 'an incredibly large amount'...

I'm assuming you're working with some sort of currency system where a certain amount of copper equals a certain amount of silver, and a certain amount of silver equals a certain amount of gold, etc, with either copper or silver being the '$'. Whether this is the case or not, you should at least present it somewhere in your document, exactly what the $ is.

Also, under the Kourai, you mention that if the Kourai is 'Spell Forged' then it gains the Gifted edge.... why wouldn't it gain the Arcane Background if they are designed for casting spells?

I'm finding the 'lifepath' style of whipping up a character to be both intriguing and cumbersome.... I like it and I don't like it. One one hand, I like the concept of having such a detailed backstory, on the other I'm not a fan of imposing random elements on character creation.

Anyway, these minor critiques aside, the setting seems quite nice.
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Yes! I have captured your cat and placed him in this box where he will either flourish or perish as chance dictates!

[Kakaze]

Copper is the coin of the realm and it is roughly equivalent to one $ from SWD. One hundred coppers is roughly equivalent to one silver (though it's up for a bit of negotiation) and ten silvers is even more roughly equal to one gold piece. So 10 gold is about $10k. It might be better if I moved the explanatory text to the top of the Prizes and Pricing section-- thanks!

As for Kourai, the Gifted edge is one of three ways to gain cast the ability to magic. It gives 1 known power and 10 pp. It also allows the player to link the Sorcery skill to either Intelligence, Spirit, or Vigor--- their choice. The other two ways are the professional edges Magi and Priest, each of which have restrictions but give more powers and link Sorcery to a different stat.

This was a complicated way of making sure magic isn't an inborn trait except with the Gifted. It requires study and a basic amount of knowledge to work magic. It also makes magic come from the same source- the various casters just channel the energies differently.

The lifepath stuff is a bit cumbersome. I have similar likes and dislikes about it, but I've had some good feedback. The main problem my players have brought up is the fact that it takes about an hour to build a full character. My players have all enjoyed the process, but most seem to want a session devoted to character creation so they can write a backstory. I like the fact that it inspires them, but it isn't something I'd do for every game.
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Proud creator of Savage Swarm, a game about Giant Ants.

[Merlin_Sylver]

Excellent. With that, then, I'd say that the only advice I'd give is to unify your document's pricing by converting all of the monetary mentions to 'cp'.

Great job!
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Yes! I have captured your cat and placed him in this box where he will either flourish or perish as chance dictates!